Peer Review

The essay has a clear thesis statement at the end of the introductory paragraph. The
paper's thesis is that globalization is a positive presence in society because of its impact on
politics, healthcare, and the environment. The thesis corresponds to the previous assignment in
task two because it aims to discover the benefits of technology in modern societies. The writer
has specified that his paper will focus on the positive effects of technological advancements and
how these impacts are exhibited in various fields such as politics, healthcare, and the
environment.
From the thesis statement, the essay should have five paragraphs, i.e., an introduction,
three body paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph. However, the author has failed to meet this
essential writing criterion and has focused on explaining a single point mentioned in the thesis.
In other words, the writer has only explained how technology positively affects politics in the
modern era and omitted to explain the effects of technology on the environment and healthcare.
Thus, the writer undoubtedly submitted an incomplete essay that does not explain his thesis in
finer detail. The overall paragraphs in the essay are three. Two of these paragraphs are correctly
punctuated and portrayed, while one is poorly written. The essay's conclusion does not match the
criterion of a paragraph because it only has one sentence. However, a good sentence should
contain at least four sentences. Besides, the writer has one large body paragraph that is not well
punctuated. This paragraph covers three-quarters of the entire essay, which disqualifies it from

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being a paragraph. Therefore, the author should have divided this paragraph into various parts
using relevant conjunctions for a better flow of ideas.
The essay does not meet the required limit of four pages. It has three pages, and the
writer failed to include a reference page for his work. This omission makes the essay unauthentic
and can lead to plagiarism in work. This is because the writer used in-text citations in the essay
and failed to show the reference from which the in-text citations are derived. Thus, the writer
should make his work more authentic and appealing by including the sources of his information
more so for the qualitative and quantitative data. However, although the body paragraph is
poorly punctuated, it has more than three descriptive country examples to explain his thesis. For
example, the writer has mentioned how technology has improved political issues in the United
States, Germany, and Britain. The examples from these states are limited to 1-2 times in the
essay, except for the United States, which the writer tended to focus on more than other
countries. Therefore, for uniformity and coherence in this essay, the writer should balance
descriptive examples from the countries highlighted without emphasizing one at the expense of
others.
The concluding paragraph does not follow the requirements of a counterargument passage. The
writer has only re-written the thesis in the last paragraph without explaining how he explained
the thesis statement in the body paragraphs. However, a proficient writer should restate the thesis
in the last paragraph and summarize how the body paragraphs help in explaining the thesis.
Thus, this makes the last paragraph the most confusing in this essay because it is unclear and
does not provide any counterargument on the debated topic. This is the point where the writer
should improve to make his essay better. Besides, the writer should balance the paragraphs using
equal words and the same format to make the points more robust and convincing.